Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
