He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
