I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
