____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
