If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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