Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
