hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
