The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
