wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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