She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
