So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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