so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
