i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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