Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
