I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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