Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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