I wanna bring you to show and tell
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
