Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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