She said her name was "party"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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