I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
