Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
