i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
