he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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