Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
