she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
