He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
