I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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