You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
