WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
