we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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