Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Enjoy the penises
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
