im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
