I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize