we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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