I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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