why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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