she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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