i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
