my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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