I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
