then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
