Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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