guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
