Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
