One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
