what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
