The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
