med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
