I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
