She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
