the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
