TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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