My nipple is on Facebook.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
