I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
