will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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