I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
