he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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