They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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