That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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