I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize