I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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