some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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