So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Mom said you looked used
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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