Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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