dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
