She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
