I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
