i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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