don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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