Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
