Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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