There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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