He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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