You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
